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2003/4 Vets' End-of-Half-Season Report

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It's taken me five months to translate this report from the original Scots. I'm still not sure if I got it all done correctly - particularly the paragraph about style, grace, panache etc.!

From: jimmyharrison [fmharrison@ukonline.co.uk]
Sent: 13 December 2003 12:26
To: Paul Heneghan
Subject: vets progress so far winter leagues

The three teams so far, at the half way stage, are experiencing mixed fortunes. The A and B sides are roaring ahead at the top of their divisions having, so far, won all their games. However the C team have managed to lose all theirs! This is clearly not good enough, and I suggest chemical inducements to improve their performances. Rocket fuel would be my recommendation!

In the meantime there have been some notable performances, particularly Gray and Chinny's wins against Glocs Civil Service who fielded two county standard players. Chinny denies drinking more than two pints of rocket fuel before hand.

And now to the main show, the second team
- Mike Francis, the Fladbury No1, has had a slightly mixed season so far, losing his last match to a marathon runner. Mike has never quite grasped the idea that any sort of running is a prerequisite in the game of squash. "Tried that once, never again".
- Jonathan Bomford has starred on a few occasions and has always turned up with the right kit!
- Pete Scully the opposite of MF; can he run? Not often have I witnessed a match finish with a standing ovation. His result against a very accomplished player from Glocs (parachuted in to put us in our place) by grinding him into the ground in the fifth game was a joy to watch. Whatever he drinks - I want a couple of pints of it!
- Jimmy Harrison, modesty prohibits me from declaring results and performances to date...........Oh go on then. ......won all matches played.......played with style, grace, panache, athletic verve, scintillating strokeplay, wondrous racket skills and modesty, people have come from all over just say they once saw him live !..............what. ..WHAT. ...... And the same to you...!

Merry Christmas.

JH